Foolish
by DaLizzie
Summary: Sometimes the courage doesn't come and love remains hidden.


A/N: I actually wrote this a couple years ago in answer to somebody that, while they rather liked my story "Pixi Stix," wondered how it would be if the ubiquitous love confession never came. This is my response.

Yugi stared at the rainy sky, its dark clouds and dreary drizzle reflecting his mood: utterly hopeless and dismal.

/You never told him!/ an accusatory voice shouted inside of his head. /You idiot! You never said anything! YOU LET HIM GO!/

Yugi shut his eyes tightly and covered his ears, but the voice would not go away. He felt tears prick at his eyes and a lump caught in his throat. He wasn't going to cry… He wasn't going to cry… He wasn't going to cry…

Barely managing to regain control, Yugi opened his eyes a fraction of an inch to stare at the sky again. Lightning flickered across the open air, and a moment later the heavy drums of thunder boomed through the clouds. Yugi sniffled, laying his head against the cold window glass and wrapping his arms around himself, shivering. The voice was quiet now, but it had been right.

/I never told him… how I feel…/

Yugi had had a crush before; he knew what it felt like. Anzu was very pretty, and she had always been kind to him and had seemed to like him back. He cared about her, and liked to spend time with her, and sometimes his palms would get sweaty and his tongue would get tied up when he was around her.

That's a crush, right?

Yugi had experienced a crush, a high-school puppy love infatuation. But what about love?

Yugi had been frightened when he found out that some Egyptian spirit had been taking over his body without his knowledge to enact a strange form of justice on other people. After all, it's not every day that you find out you've been reincarnated from a pharaoh who's really been trapped in a broken pyramid puzzle for several thousand years. Yugi had refused to believe it at first; it was just so impossible, nothing like this ever happened to ordinary Yugi Mutou.

So very much had happened between now and then, and Yugi couldn't even imagine what it would be like to have a "normal" life. He also couldn't imagine being afraid of Yami. Yami had sworn to protect him, and had lived up to that promise. He had saved his life… how many times now? Yugi was too tired now to bother counting.

It had taken Yugi a while to break through Yami's shell, but somehow he managed it over time (with lots of patience), and he had found the most wonderful friend underneath. Yugi had always thought of Yami as a friend. He loved him in the same way that he loved Katsuya and Hiroto. They were his best friends, and he would do anything for any of them.

And yet… the relationship between Yami and him went even deeper than what he and Katsuya and Hiroto had. He shared his mind, his very _soul_, with Yami, and although Yami was slow to open up, Yugi eventually saw into Yami's soul, as well. Ever so gradually, in many almost infinitesimal ways, Yugi began to love Yami in a different way. He wasn't sure exactly when it had happened; he guessed that maybe it hadn't happened at any specific time, but he did know exactly when he had realized it.

Yugi had warned Yami not to use that card, and Yami hadn't listened to him. As Yugi had watched the duel, helpless, he found himself entertaining fantasies of what life would be like without Yami. They had been through so much by that time, and… it was impossible to imagine life without him. Then the duel was over. Yami had lost. Fear had surged through Yugi, and he remembered so well the thought that had run through his head at that moment.

/I can't let this happen; I love him!/

And Yugi hadn't let it happen, offering himself instead. From that day on, Yugi knew that he was developing feelings toward Yami, but that was only the beginning.

It got worse (or better, Yugi wasn't sure which) with the dreams. There were dreams of being with Yami as he so longed to be, dreams about the dark pharaoh's beauty and mystery; dreams that Yugi thought he wasn't supposed to have. He tried to tell himself that he didn't like boys, that he never had and never would… For some reason, Yami seemed to be the exception to that rule.

At one point, Yugi stopped resisting, and simply accepted his love for Yami. It wasn't like the crush he once had on Anzu at all; it went so much deeper, evoking an almost painful need to be near the pharaoh and a desire to do anything that Yami wished of him.

But, unrequited love is a very painful thing, and several times before Yugi had made up his mind that he had to tell Yami how he felt, whether Yami returned his love or not. But, every instance of this ended in the same fashion: Yugi would stutter through several meaningless syllables, turn bright red, and then suddenly change the subject.

/You didn't even have the courage to just say a few simple words/ Yugi told himself bitterly. After a while, Yugi stopped trying at that, as well, and contented himself with watching Yami from afar. Yami still gave him a friendship deeper than anything Yugi had ever known, and Yugi had always thought himself lucky to have at least that.

Then, the axe fell. Yugi had made up his mind that he had to tell Yami how he felt before… before he might never see Yami again. He had tried… he had tried so very hard… He had cried and told Yami that he didn't want to fight him, that he didn't want him to leave, but the simple words that he had bottled up inside of him for so long never came. It was just too deep a secret. And what would Yami have said? Was it at all possible that he might have loved him back, or was that just a young boy's foolish hope?

And what could Yami do, anyway? The battle had to be fought, and if Yugi won, then…

Yugi could barely force himself to draw each card into play that day, but he gave it everything that he had. He promised Yami that he would. Then, the final play… and then everything was over. Everything.

For the first time in what in truth was only three years, but seemed like so very, very long, Yugi was alone inside of himself. He cried, feeling the strange emptiness of being the only soul within himself. His other half was gone to the world in which he belonged… and Yugi had never told him.

It hurt… it hurt so very much…

Yugi knew that he was being selfish. He couldn't keep Yami here; Yami – no, Atemu – had his place in the past, and Yugi had his place here. The two only intertwined for a mere few moments in their lives, and that was all that it would ever be. And it left Yugi feeling so, so empty.

He still had Katsuya, and Hiroto, and Anzu, and his grandfather. But how can you replace the other half of your soul?

/You never told him! You let him go!/ the angry voice shouted again. Yugi tried to cover his ears, but the voice only became louder.

/YOU NEVER TOLD HIM! YOU LET HIM GO!/ Yugi curled up next to the window as the rain began falling in raging torrents, the sound of the drops hitting the ground and the window drowning out his sobs and washing away his foolish hope.

A/N: Review, please.


End file.
